And at night they make us kneel at our bedsides
To pray
Oh heavenly father save us from the sins
We have committed.
Pray for us sinners
In my head I speak to koolenchoot’n
In nsyilxcen
Keep me strong through these hard times
I pray
This goes on for days and days
I bite my tongue when
Nsyilxcen words find their way
To my lips
I cannot stand being whipped
Again
I pray
Koolenchoot’n
Keep me strong through these hard times
Praying for the sinners
They dress us in their clothes
Take away everything of ours
My hair
Where have they put my hair
They make us kneel at our bedside at night
And after we pray for our souls
And crawl into bed
I pray it’s not me next time
The days go by so slow
Leaves fall
Snow falls
My friend tried to run away
They found her the next day
I pray
At my bedside
I kneel and look to the stars
I imagine the stars through the
White ceiling
God? Are you really there?
What was so bad about our lives
That you had to send the devil to
Save us?
I search my memory
Picking berries
Tanning hides
Laughing
My mother, grandmother and aunts
All around
Teaching us to live in harmony
With the land
All around
I search my memory
My father, grandfather, uncles
Hunting, fishing,
Teaching us to live in harmony
With the animals
All around
I pray at my bedside
They will be there when
We get back
If we get back
(silence)
I learn to survive
I survive by learning
Their ways thrive
My ways fade
But memory serves
A primal purpose
My blood remembers
They cannot cut it out of me
They cannot beat it out of me
My innocence?
Gone
My hair?
Gone
My language
A struggle to hold
My ways
Dying with my elders
My blood?
Strong
The blood of my grandmother runs hot
The memory of her retains my pride
And I force myself to reclaim
all that was lost
In the room with the white ceiling
It was not forgot
I pray for them
In their language and mine
With their teachings and mine
That they find some way to save
Themselves
